i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
