Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
