That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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