Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
