the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
