I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
