have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
