This is not my ceiling
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
