I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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