Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
