she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
