it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
