just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
