i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
