Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
