idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
