I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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