Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
