god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
