Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
