She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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