the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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