Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
