Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
