remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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