So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
