party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
