my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
