I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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