Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
