He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
