I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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