I need to stop coming to work sober
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
FUCK WHALES
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
