I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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