Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
