The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
