just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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