does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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