hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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