I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
