I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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