we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i barfeds in our rink
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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