you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
