Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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