If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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