my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize