i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize