the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
