i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize