Do you still have your period?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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