Your mouth is God's brothel.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think my moral compass just broke
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
