"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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