so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
