i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
