People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
