he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
