god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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