I cockslap morals
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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