i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
