Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
