why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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