3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
