We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
