I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
