i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
