i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
