I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
