I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
kristin has been a bad kristin
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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