you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
