DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
