I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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